"Don't You Trust Me?"

Yesterday I went paddle boarding in the ocean, and the water was as still and as clear as bath water. After seeing a massive moon jellyfish slowly float by me, I sat on my board and had a little conversation with God. I naively asked Him to show me a new part of Him during my time on the water, thinking the answer would come in the form of the peace that is found looking out to the horizon or the gentleness of the jellyfish.

You can imagine my surprise when I felt a nudge inside me to jump off my board into the water, which was 25 feet deep where I was at. If you know me, you know that I’m not afraid of sharks or of any sea creature really, and that it takes a lot to rattle me…but at that moment I was pretty paralyzed.

I kept checking in the water all around me to make sure there was nothing near me, all the while telling myself that God didn’t really want me to jump in the water - it was just an intrusive thought. But then the nudging feeling kept persisting and I knew I had to do it. “Don’t you trust me?” was all I kept hearing in my head. “Why do you look around you checking your surroundings - making your own judgments about when the perfect time to jump is - when I control all that is in the water. You see what is immediately around you and I see the whole ocean.”

And so, timidly, I dunked myself in the cool water whilst clinging onto my board, then rapidly pulled myself back up again. “Do it again,” I heard inside my head. I paddled out to a different spot and quickly dunked myself again, this time closing my eyes and not checking my surroundings for potential hazards, hoping that this was the last time.

I kept paddling and enjoying the beauty that surrounded me - the way the light would create rainbows on the ocean floor as it passed through the water, and the rhythmic sounds of the water softly splashing against the board - when I heard something that made me freeze - “Unhook yourself and dive off of the board.” This whole time I had been hooked to my board in case I fell off and it got swept away from me, leaving me stranded.

And so I unhooked myself and stood there for awhile just looking down. “Don’t you trust me?” was all that was echoing around in my mind, getting louder and louder…until I dove. As I surfaced again, I was 8 feet away from my board and 20 feet from the ocean floor below me, and I was okay.

Upon thinking about this experience later that day, I became more aware of different emotions and circumstances I wasn’t giving fully to God - or if I had given them to Him, I was still trying to micromanage the outcome of them. I guess a part of me didn’t trust Him enough with handling them the way I wanted them to be handled, so I clung tighter to them, just as I clung tighter to my board. I’d say I’m still emotionally standing on my board looking out into the water, but hopefully someday I’ll be able to dive in.

Ask yourself what the ocean is that God is calling you into, and what is the paddle board in your life that you’re clinging to instead?